Daily Bread

The longer you are a Christian, the easier it gets to feel like you have stored up wisdom and knowledge for every situation.  It’s easy, when facing a new mountain or valley, to feel like you don’t need to seek God about it, because you’ve already trusted Him before and learned that lesson.

One thing that God has really been speaking to my heart about lately is “daily bread”.  For Jesus to put that in His prayer prototype (the Lord’s prayer, Jesus’ example of how we should pray), it’s gotta be significant.  I just always took it as “give us what we need”; & missed the emphasis on today.

When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, deliverance had come!  But in what form?  They were a million strong and walking through a desert.  Not a land of plenty, but a desert.  God provided for them, but not in an outpouring that left them with more than enough for the future.  He gave them plenty for that day.  If they tried to save it for tomorrow, it would rot.  God knows our human nature, and if we have what we need, we forget Him.  He wanted the Israelites to have to rely on Him daily for their food, for their LIVES.

There are people in the world who are trusting God for food daily, but most who will read this will not be.  Most of us have a hard time turning to God even for the big situations in our lives, let alone crying out to Him daily for our lives.  God wants to give us our “daily bread”, and too often we’d rather scrounge for crumbs of what He gave us yesterday, or last month, or last year, than to seek Him again.  I don’t know why we do it... I don’t even know why I do it.  I do know that it’s something that I’ve been made aware of in my life.  Seeking God for TODAY, and living off of what He’s given me fresh for TODAY.

God really desires a daily relationship.  We can’t pray or worship on Sundays enough for Him to be content for the week.  It wouldn’t matter how great of a date night Alex and I had on a weekend; if for the rest of the week he ignored me, I would feel like our relationship was failing.  God doesn’t give us “daily” bread because He’s not sure if He wants us to be fed tomorrow, but because He insists on having a daily relationship with us.  I don’t know why we are intimidated by that, why we’d rather “save up”... I guess cause the idea of continually having to trust God for what we need can seem exhausting.  We want to KNOW that it’s all taken care of.  That’s where faith comes in.  “Give us this day our daily bread” is not in the prayer to remind God that we need Him, but to remind us.  The asking is for us, not for Him.

For me, in action, I’m trying to apply this by looking to God for insight daily.  As anyone in my life knows, I’m in a season where I’m trusting God for big things, but I’m working to trust Him for my “bread” (encouragement, insight, revelation, strength, peace, joy... healing) DAILY.  I think it’s something we all could learn, and continue learning.  Trust God  today for what you need today.  Thank Him for all He’s already done, but don’t live off of yesterday’s bread.  

The Art of Gaining Perspective

Day 2 of blog devotion and here I am, at 1:45am all hopped up on sweet tea and determined to actually do this.

If you know me well, you know I’m a person who doesn’t open up to a lot of people about my personal issues.  I’ll tell anyone my history and most of what God has brought me through, but if you ask me about unresolved feelings that still need to be worked through, or something that is currently bothering me, there’s a good chance I’ll quickly find a way to reel the conversation in and give you a very general and positive answer.  Why?  Because I’ve made enough mistakes listening to misguided advice, had times where I felt (unjustly) validated by people who sympathized with me when I was wrong, and because I’ve been opened up to my share of unsolicited advice.  Don’t get me wrong, wisdom and guidance is necessary in life, but I’ve learned that (a) God needs to be the first One that I vent to with my negative feelings and (b) I need to choose wisely who I share my weakness with.

The funny part about the former is that a lot of times, if we take our negativity to God first, it will often turn around and we won’t feel like we want to keep talking about it.  There’s something about the presence of God that humbles us and adds perspective.  I know for me, no matter how frustrated or upset I am, as I begin talking to Him about it, and talk through what I’m feeling, I’m always reminded of His goodness.  God’s goodness is a revelation that we could receive daily and still not fully understand, but that’s a different topic.  I can go from a time of “God, I CAN’T TAKE THIS”, work my way into “be with me and help me deal with this” and eventually find my way (in that same conversation with God) to “You have carried me through so many tough times, and I know You will carry me through this.  You are my strength and I trust You”.  It seems like David had the same experience, cause in Psalms he seems to go through the same process, starting a chapter with “how long will you forget me?  how long will you hide your face from me?” working his way through his frustration into “but I trust in your unfailing love” and then to “I will rejoice because you have rescued me... I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me”.  If you take your frustration to God, you’re able to work through it and get some perspective.

Back to the part about choosing wisely who we do confide in, most of us learn this the hard way.  Whether it’s by telling someone who judges you and gossips about you; or whether you just want a listening ear and that person feels free to give strong opinions into your very personal situations.  People’s insensitivity or over-simplification of deep-rooted problem can be really hurtful.  I know for me, I’ve even complained to people who sympathized with my frustration and agreed with me instead of telling me that I was wrong and needed to change my attitude.  I feel like if I’m going to get advice, I need to get it from someone with more wisdom and experience than me, also someone that I can trust.  Find someone who knows you and will hold you accountable, but will be understanding and do it all in love.  It has to be someone you respect and esteem highly, or else you will resist their tough love.  It’s important to have someone in your life that you’ll allow to put you in check and bring you back to reality.

I’ve got a few of those people in my life, that I know I can look to for encouragement, love, and honesty.  People that know me (my strengths, my shortcomings, my history, and my heart).  I’m so thankful for those people, and even more thankful for a God that makes sense of my confusion, and brings peace to my chaos.

Fresh Start At Growth!

Ahhhh.  My Blog.  If it were a boyfriend, it would have dumped me.  In 2011 I had hoped to blog more.  I feel like any justification of why I didn’t will turn into a “what had happened was...” story, so I won’t bother making excuses.  I plan to try to do better this year.  Not because I’m convinced I have a wealth of readers and blog traffic, but because putting my thoughts together in this way is good for me in the moment (to learn from), and good for me later on,  to re-read and reflect on.  Reading old entries reminds me of the things that God spoke to my heart about.  Things that in the moment I was so passionate about, and over time have become less sensitive to.  Basic truths that become revelation only to be suppressed for the next big idea.  Hopefully more writing and reflection will equal cumulative growth and not just whatever my lesson of the week is for myself.

Right now, the lesson I feel like I’m learning again is something that sounds so simple:  We’re responsible for who we are.  We’re responsible for our actions.  We’re responsible for the things we say and do and the things we don’t.  Moving back home has caused me to face things and people that were the source of my childhood trials.  It’s caused me to relive some of the things that I’ve been able to distance myself from through the years.  It’s amazing how seeing someone (or hearing the voice of someone) who used to have a negative effect on you can bring back those same feelings, no matter how far you think you’ve come.  For me, as an adult with a different life, it’s been a challenge not to pick up my same baggage and revert back. This is interesting for me, because I’ve considered myself to be very well adjusted and not someone who uses my past experiences as a crutch; but old emotions can easily sneak back in.

Me, myself, I’m focusing on putting aside every exception and excuse not to change the things I need to work on.  Not just for 2012, but for good.  I’m working on having peace and not letting my peace be shaken by other people and their life’s choices, while still walking in love and compassion (tough balance to find).  I’m working on knowing the difference between discernment and snap-judgments.  I’m working on thinking on good things, and once again, trusting God in the big things and small.

I think it’s so important for us to acknowledge the areas we need work.  And begin the acknowledge the slip-ups, and the opportunities to do better the next time.  Change doesn’t happen because we say it should, it happens when we start taking the baby steps toward being better.  Not making that comment we really want to make.  Not going to speak to that person that we know will make excuses for our slip-ups, but the person who will understand and encourage us to work on it.  Change is not comfortable.  It’s usually not easy.  BUT it’s necessary.

Think about how you dealt with conflict as a child.  When your parents told you “no”, or your big brother picked on you.  How would you look if you dealt with your grown up problems the way you dealt with those childhood ones?  Silly.  Sometimes we do it in less obvious ways, mask our “tantrum” or immaturity in some superficial adult behavior.

We are creatures that grow and evolve, and if we stop growing, we fall behind.  For myself, I’m just working on pushing myself forward.  Not in the visible ways, because it’s easier to fix the things you know people will notice... but tackling personal things that need to change, and pushing forward.  God has brought me so far, and it’s not so I could consider myself perfected “enough” and rest like this, but so that I could keep moving forward.  I’m so thankful for all I have, and the best way to show it is to grow into the person He wants me to be!

So, hopefully this is the first of many blogs; the continual documentation of growth.  It’s one thing to know what’s right and an entirely different thing to do it.