Fresh Start At Growth!

Ahhhh.  My Blog.  If it were a boyfriend, it would have dumped me.  In 2011 I had hoped to blog more.  I feel like any justification of why I didn’t will turn into a “what had happened was...” story, so I won’t bother making excuses.  I plan to try to do better this year.  Not because I’m convinced I have a wealth of readers and blog traffic, but because putting my thoughts together in this way is good for me in the moment (to learn from), and good for me later on,  to re-read and reflect on.  Reading old entries reminds me of the things that God spoke to my heart about.  Things that in the moment I was so passionate about, and over time have become less sensitive to.  Basic truths that become revelation only to be suppressed for the next big idea.  Hopefully more writing and reflection will equal cumulative growth and not just whatever my lesson of the week is for myself.

Right now, the lesson I feel like I’m learning again is something that sounds so simple:  We’re responsible for who we are.  We’re responsible for our actions.  We’re responsible for the things we say and do and the things we don’t.  Moving back home has caused me to face things and people that were the source of my childhood trials.  It’s caused me to relive some of the things that I’ve been able to distance myself from through the years.  It’s amazing how seeing someone (or hearing the voice of someone) who used to have a negative effect on you can bring back those same feelings, no matter how far you think you’ve come.  For me, as an adult with a different life, it’s been a challenge not to pick up my same baggage and revert back. This is interesting for me, because I’ve considered myself to be very well adjusted and not someone who uses my past experiences as a crutch; but old emotions can easily sneak back in.

Me, myself, I’m focusing on putting aside every exception and excuse not to change the things I need to work on.  Not just for 2012, but for good.  I’m working on having peace and not letting my peace be shaken by other people and their life’s choices, while still walking in love and compassion (tough balance to find).  I’m working on knowing the difference between discernment and snap-judgments.  I’m working on thinking on good things, and once again, trusting God in the big things and small.

I think it’s so important for us to acknowledge the areas we need work.  And begin the acknowledge the slip-ups, and the opportunities to do better the next time.  Change doesn’t happen because we say it should, it happens when we start taking the baby steps toward being better.  Not making that comment we really want to make.  Not going to speak to that person that we know will make excuses for our slip-ups, but the person who will understand and encourage us to work on it.  Change is not comfortable.  It’s usually not easy.  BUT it’s necessary.

Think about how you dealt with conflict as a child.  When your parents told you “no”, or your big brother picked on you.  How would you look if you dealt with your grown up problems the way you dealt with those childhood ones?  Silly.  Sometimes we do it in less obvious ways, mask our “tantrum” or immaturity in some superficial adult behavior.

We are creatures that grow and evolve, and if we stop growing, we fall behind.  For myself, I’m just working on pushing myself forward.  Not in the visible ways, because it’s easier to fix the things you know people will notice... but tackling personal things that need to change, and pushing forward.  God has brought me so far, and it’s not so I could consider myself perfected “enough” and rest like this, but so that I could keep moving forward.  I’m so thankful for all I have, and the best way to show it is to grow into the person He wants me to be!

So, hopefully this is the first of many blogs; the continual documentation of growth.  It’s one thing to know what’s right and an entirely different thing to do it.