I reached a place where, as soon as someone mistreated me, I began to disregard them. It was a defense mechanism to finally control my life, but it was too extreme. I felt completely justified in writing people off, and decided I'd "had enough" of getting mistreated. "Enough" of other people's moods and temperments effecting me and the way that I lived my life. "Enough" of certain personalities... I was wrong.
More and more, I've been feeling very convicted about that mentality. Shutting down on people, and shutting them out isn't a way of life. There are very limited circumstances where it is okay, or even necessary; but it's by no means an acceptable way to deal with every person who doesn't act the way I wish they would. I heard a teacher say once, "If we only love someone when they act as we feel they should, we don't love them; we only love the reflection of ourself in them".
This has been an internal conflict of mine for quite some time now, because for me, it's really hard to find the balance between being a total doormat, and just cutting people out of my life. It took me forever to get the point where I could say or do anything when someone hurt me, so to step up and have some control was amazing for me. To tell a family member who had been abusive for years, "I've had enough" was a huge step for me. I just went a little overboard. Anyone who I felt had wronged me, I just began cutting them out before giving them a chance to make it right. But lately, I couldn't help but think, "What if Jesus had decided that He had 'had enough"? I know it sounds cheesy to use that as an example, but He's the ultimate example of what love is... the kind I would strive to be. I claim to want to love like Him, but run when that gets me hurt?
In Ephesians 4:1-2 it says: "... live a life worthy of the calling you have received in Christ Jesus. Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient; bearing with one another in love." I had always interpreted the first part to "live a life worthy of the calling" as to not live a double life. Not to say one thing and do another, not to try to party all weekend and minister on Sunday kind of thing (which is still true). BUT he then wrote to be humble and gentle, and patient, bearing with one another in love. Not everyone is called to full time ministry... as a matter of fact, not that many are... but we are all called to LOVE. And so for us to live worthy of the call to love, that requires us to "bear with one another". I am the first to acknowledge that I'm a work in progress, but it would break my heart to be written off because of a mistake I made; because I know my heart and my intentions, and that they are not to hurt people. But is it fair that I deal with my shortcomings delicately, and evaluate myself based on intentions, but judge everyone else according to their actions?
Bottom line, it's more often than not that the better choice is not to give up on people, but to be humble and gentle, and bear with one another in love. It used to be my natural instinct, but sometime while growing up, I lost that. I think I may have even made the conscious decision to stop being that way. I didn't want to get hurt. But the truth of the matter is, when we are broken-hearted for His sake, He holds us close (Psalm 51:17). I would rather be accused of being too loving and kind than be accused of being too harsh and lacking love. "If I give everything I have to the poor, and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." It doesn't matter how great a person we are, or how much we love God, or what great deeds we do in His name, if our love is tainted or corrupted, we gain nothing. So, more important than guarding my heart and protecting my feelings and emotions, is giving my whole heart to the work of God, and letting Him be my avenger, letting Him stand up for me and be my validation.
------disclaimer for any of my girls reading this: It doesn't mean don't give up on a boyfriend or guy you like because he doesn't act right. I'm talking about giving up on people that you need to reach with GOD'S love, not your love and emotions. When it comes to relationships, you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't treat you right, nor should you pursue or want to be with someone like that. Okay... just had to make that clear so my words didn't backfire. :)
