I've never allowed someone to get so close to me emotionally. I've NEVER trusted someone enough to confront issues (which happens to be a crucial part of a functional relationship) and work them out. I was always afraid that it would escalate to the point of no return and be far more hurtful than holding it in. I've learned that confrontation, when done right, can bring two CLOSER together, in understanding one another and therefore appreciating the other.
I've learned that when you let someone get THAT close to you, you begin to see the sides of yourself that you can't hide. Any sort of moodiness, intolerance, or irrationability is impossible to hide, and you are forced to face and evaluate (and maybe even better) yourself.
I've learned that being in a double-sided relationship (the right kind, where both parties work just as hard and care just as much as the other) takes humility. It takes backing down and admitting you're wrong (even if it was only partially your fault), and meekness to forgive even if you think you'd be justified in staying mad a little longer.
I've learned that if you constantly dig up past arguments, you repeat them; and if you let the past effect the future in most situations, you have nothing to look forward to...
I've learned that I can't punish people for mistakes people in my past made. You have to love like you've never been hurt, even if being hurt is all you know.
I've learned to face things like an adult that I never would have before.
I've learned that even if I don't face things like an adult and confront them, I have a great husband on my side that will help me every step of the way... and be protective and on my side no matter what.
I've learned that no matter what other relationships in life are temporary, marriage is the one relationship that is forever (it's supposed to be even though most don't look at it that way anymore). They BECOME family... they become you and you become them... you become one. I can count on Alex, and should never look at him like another person who will leave at one point or another.
I've learned that I've lived my WHOLE LIFE not understanding what family really is until the last year. I've always thought (based on my family experiences) that when someone treats you bad, or doesn't want you around, you just cut them out of your life and move on. My relationship with Alex has taught me a much more Christ-like kind of love, that forgives, endures, accepts and allows weaknesses and flaws in family. I'm closer my formerly estranged parents than I've ever been.
I've learned that marriage is a serious commitment. It's not something to be taken lightly or done impulsively, not because you just feel like you should because it's the next step, and ESPECIALLY not to secure the relationship, so they won't leave you. I thank God every day that I'm married to Alex. Some days I'm thanking God because I have the best husband in the world... and other days I'm thanking God because, if it's this hard to humble myself and work things out with the right person, I can't imagine how terrible it would be with the wrong person.
I've learned that even though it's scary and sometimes painful to care so much about someone (romantically, or on a friendship or family level), life is empty without at least allowing yourself to be vulnerable to some. If there's no one that you can be REAL you around, then you don't know who you are.
I've learned that no matter how insecure you are, it's never an excuse to mistreat someone you love. If you really love them, making them insecure, or hurt, or confused, won't make you feel better.
I've learned that I'm not even close to learning all there is to know.
I've learned that I've hurt a lot of people in my life because of my inability to really let my guard down when it comes to the real me...
I've learned that hurting people DO hurt people, but it's not an excuse to continue on a destructive path-you can't use your pain as a crutch to live any way you please.
Because I've realized that hurting people hurt people, I want to understand why people act the way they do; and I realize that even the most hurtful and angry people have a reason for being that way. AND I've realized that I'm married to the most amazing guy in the world. I'm pretty sure that I couldn't put up with anyone else, and that no one else could put up with me.
